Published: October 2008
Pages: 237
Summary
When sixty-nine year old So-nyo is separated from her husband among the crowds of the Seoul subway station, and vanishes, their children are consumed with loud recriminations, and are awash in sorrow and guilt. As they argue over the “Missing” flyers they are posting throughout the city – how large of a reward to offer, the best way to phrase the text – they realize that none of them have a recent photograph of Mom. Soon a larger question emerges: do they really know the woman they called Mom?
My thoughts
In “Please Look After Mother,” Shin Kyung-sook crafts a poignant and introspective exploration of family, loss, and the enduring power of maternal love. The novel follows a family as they grapple with the sudden disappearance of their mother, So-nyo, during a trip to Seoul.
Through the interconnected narratives of So-nyo’s four children, each with their own distinct personality and relationship with their mother, the story unfolds. Their search for So-nyo becomes a catalyst for introspection, revealing long-held secrets, unspoken resentments, and a deeper understanding of their mother’s sacrifices.
You realize that you habitually thought of Mum when something in your life was not going well, because when you thought of her it was as though something got back on track, and you felt re-energized.
I really, really loved this book. I think for many of us, mum and dad have always been and will always be mum and dad. We forget they were people before us. We don’t see that little kid that learnt to walk or that teenager that didn’t quite know where they were going. We just see mum and dad, and for many of us, that alone is a security blanket and we don’t feel the urge to look under the cover. This book really brings that to life. We get to see under the surface of So-nyo, the person beyond ‘mum’ and the things she’s been through, the decisions she’s made. But we get to see her children come to these conclusions through glimpses of old memories, and that is what made this memorable for me. We are not told anything, but we are shown it all, and the pieces come together for these siblings but also for us as readers.
“…I have so many dreams of my own, and I remember things from my childhood, from when I was a girl and a young woman, and I haven’t forgotten a thing. So why did we think of Mum as a mum from the very beginning? She didn’t have the opportunity to pursue her dreams, and all by herself, faced everything the era dealt her, poverty and sadness, and she couldn’t do anything about her very bad lot in life other than suffer through it and get beyond it and live her life to the very best of her ability, giving her body and her heart to it completely. Why did I never give a thought to Mum’s dreams?”
I think it’s impossible to not read this book and think of your relationship with your own mother. There were many moments reading this book where I thought “what does this look like for my mother?” or “how does this make me feel?”. It won’t feel like this for everyone. I understand our relationships with our parents can be complex so for some, this may not be welcomed or appreciated. But for me, this is a book I’m very thankful to have read.
Only after Mum went missing did you realize that her stories were piled inside you, in endless stacks. Mum’s everyday life used to go on in a repeating loop, without a break. Her everyday words, which you didn’t think deeply about and sometimes dismissed as useless when she was with you, awoke in your heart, creating tidal waves.
Shin’s prose is both delicate and powerful, capturing the nuances of familial dynamics with a keen eye for detail. The novel delves into universal themes of guilt, forgiveness, and the enduring impact of childhood experiences on adult lives. While the ending may leave some readers wanting more closure, it ultimately serves as a poignant reminder of the complexities of human relationships and the importance of cherishing loved ones.
Would I recommend?
Yes, this is a moving and thought-provoking read that will resonate with many of us. Whether we’re mothers ourselves, or children, this is a testament to the enduring power of family bonds and the profound impact of a mother’s love.